The current world population is 8.2 billion, and people are everywhere—in cities, in suburbs and in rural areas. In some places, people nearly live on top of each other, while in other locations, you would have to go several miles to get to the next human.
At one end of the spectrum, the bustle of urban areas can be overwhelming and exhausting, while the silence of social isolation can be deafening. Social media and the internet have us seeing people all around the globe, yet loneliness persists.
But if people are everywhere, why do we feel alone? And is that feeling damaging? Loneliness can feel mentally painful and overwhelming, but it can also be hazardous to your physical health.
Loneliness isn’t limited to geographic location or culture. The National Institute of Health reports that worldwide, 33% of people over 45 years old report feeling lonely most of the time. Of people over 65, 53% experience loneliness and 25% are considered socially isolated. On the other end of the spectrum, 11-20% of those aged 12-15 report feeling lonely at least sometimes.
So, if we all feel down and blue at times, why can’t we power through and shake it off? As Christians, we aren’t supposed to feel that way, right? You might have heard that “it’s all in your head” or experienced someone treating the issue as a character flaw or easily fixed weakness. But is it more than that? Can loneliness be harmful to us?
How your body handles loneliness
A recent study in the July 2023 edition of The Lancet, a peer-reviewed medical journal, found that the physical effects of loneliness are comparable to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Loneliness triggers the fight or flight reflex in our bodies, which increases stress hormones, like cortisol. Cortisol raises blood pressure and blood sugar.
Let’s use a car as an analogy. Your engine is revved, and the gas tank is full. Your hands are clenched on the wheel, eyes fixed straight ahead. But what if there is no place to go? The engine overheats, and your arms fatigue with the prolonged strain at the wheel. The life of the car is shortened because of increased work and no travel.
The same concept can be attributed to the body. Short-term effects make the body ready to respond to emergencies or perform, but if those systems don’t get a chance to go back to baseline or rest, a cascade of downstream problems start.
As sugars go up, the risk of Type 2 diabetes increases. Increased blood pressure and blood sugars cause cracking and hardening of blood vessels, resulting in decreased mental functioning, insomnia and deterioration of the brain, heart, liver and kidneys. This can shorten a lifespan and degrade quality of life.
Loneliness vs solitude
Is being alone bad? Solitude and loneliness are different things. Being alone gives us a chance to quiet the pace of a chaotic world. It gives us an opportunity for self-reflection and contemplation away from all the noise. Solitude lets the dust settle, the smoke clear and the still small voice of God to speak to us. However, this must be balanced with our need for community.
So, what qualifies as loneliness? It’s the feeling of sadness when our need for connectedness is not being met. Loneliness is a subjective experience characterized by feelings of emptiness, but it’s important to recognize that feelings are not facts. These feelings can influence our thoughts and our judgment. They can affect our mood and attitude. Once we start down that path, it is a struggle to return to the positive. Our self-worth drains away and is filled with feelings of isolation and despair.
Once it sets in, we desperately search for ways to fill the emptiness, which seem to make the problem worse. We try to fill the hole with a career and move to a big city, but we are surrounded by people we don’t know. We try drugs and alcohol, which numb the pain for a few moments, but the bleeding out of our hope continues unchecked. We scroll endlessly through our social media, and the feeling gets worse because it seems that everyone else has beautiful, fun-filled lives. Then we can’t stop scrolling for fear that we might miss out on something, and life will pass us by. We text a friend, trying to feel connected, but we are met with silence.
What’s the prescription for loneliness?
Is there any hope? What would be my prescription for this malady? Jesus says, “The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full” (John 10:10). How do we go from lonely to life in the full? When we are deep in loneliness, these words can seem overwhelming and meaningless. And to some may instill bitterness and anger.
No one chooses to be lonely, but we may be thrust into a situation through no fault of our own. What are we to do?
There are no cookie-cutter formulas or one-size-fits-all remedies for this. That’s both good and bad; there’s no quick fix, but we can take action in a number of ways to have a positive impact on those feelings of loneliness.
Start to assuage personal loneliness by reaching out to family, friends and colleagues. Write a letter, make a phone call or FaceTime a family member. Consider hobbies. Join a quilting club, a model train enthusiast organization or a park-walking group. Libraries offer silent book clubs, which allow people to gather without the pressure of making conversation. Take a step to get involved with others.
As a church, look for those sitting alone or people who don’t seem to talk to anyone. Bravely offer your company, and lift others up. Many people who feel lonely or feel out of place might use their phone as a defense mechanism to shield themselves from the terror of striking up a conversation. Reach out to others who may need our support, but remember that social integration can be a slow process. Be gentle and patient.
What if you can’t be present in church because of distance or physical limitation? Contact the church to see if others are in similar situations and see if using Skype, Zoom, Google Meet or other live video apps is possible. Maybe a midnight Bible study for second shift workers? We can connect in many ways—it just might take a little creativity and thinking outside the box.
One key to making these suggestions work: It takes effort. If we wait for the connection to come to us, we might be waiting a long time. People may not see us unless they are specifically looking for us. They may not be looking for us if they don’t know we need help.
Loneliness can kill you, but there is a cure. It’s not a quick or easy fix, but hope exists. Although as humans we are flawed, the church and the body of Christ are uniquely positioned to bring comfort and connection to a world in need. Patience, understanding and grace on everyone’s part will go far in connecting us together.
