When difficult circumstances strike, feeling alone can exacerbate an already stressful situation.
A group of congregants at Lincoln Hills Bible Church in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, is committed to supporting people through its Stephen Ministry, a branch of a national ministry found in thousands of churches across the world.
“People in general are pretty resilient; we can make it through hard things,” says Tony Randall, lead pastor and Stephen Leader. “Stephen Ministry is designed for when somebody is going through a hard situation, and they’re going to make it through much better with somebody walking alongside them.”
Lincoln Hills currently has seven Stephen Ministers, caregivers who have gone through at least 50 hours of training. Some ministers are also Stephen Leaders, who help with administrating the program and educating the ministers.
Jennifer Mendel has been serving as a Stephen Leader since the ministry began at Lincoln Hills in 2013.
“As a Stephen Leader, we have oversight of how someone becomes a care receiver; we preface it with, ‘We are not mental health professionals or counselors,’” says Mendel. If someone needs professional care, leaders point them in that direction.
When someone is deemed a good fit for the ministry, they are paired with a minister who sets up weekly meetings and provides a supportive, non-judgmental listening ear.
“The primary thing is the one-to-one connection,” says Randall. “It can take some time to build trust, and we’re asking people to be vulnerable.”
Randall and Mendel point to the ubiquity of technology and busyness as factors that can contribute to loneliness, especially during crisis.
“If you go through something really difficult in your life and you feel like people just don’t have time to listen to you, then you stuff the emotions,” says Mendel. “They need somebody to help them express these emotions, to critically reflect on those emotions. And then the care receiver usually comes up with the solutions that they need.”
“If I were to describe the training, I’d maybe call it the lost art of conversation, or effective listening,” says Randall. “Sometimes people are not sure what they’re feeling inside, and a good listener can discern that.”
Mendel says pairs usually meet until the receiver feels the crisis has passed, and they are equipped to move forward without the ministry. She adds that often a friendship continues even once the formal ministry relationship has concluded.
Randall and Mendel also emphasize the importance of community among the ministers. They meet twice a month for continuing education and to support each other in the sometimes strenuous work of caregiving.
“We don’t share specifics, but we listen to our caregivers, and they give a report of what’s going on in their ministry,” says Mendel. “We value that time to get together.”
Jessica Vix Allen is a freelance writer living in Blue Springs, Missouri. She and her husband, Joel, are both graduates of Tabor College. The couple has three children.
