I reached a turning point in my life when my wife and I struggled with infertility. We always expected just to be able to have kids. We could afford it, had a good home, and are good people who would try our best to be good parents. But we tried unsuccessfully for years to have a second child, and this weighed heavily on me, my wife and our relationship.
Struggling with infertility was a new challenge for us. I come from a family of four kids and my wife from a family of two kids. All three of my sisters had kids, and my sister-in-law had children as well. My wife and I were also successful with our first pregnancy, so after trying and losing multiple children during pregnancy, it became apparent there may be an issue.
Both of us went through testing for about everything imaginable with no solid conclusion as to why these things were happening. I felt lost and hopeless. It was strange because normally, you go to doctors and they give you answers, but we got none! This took a massive toll on me, emotionally, and my wife, physically. It also took a toll on our relationship because it began to feel transactional. We had rules and schedules to follow to try for a successful pregnancy, and it felt like we lost who we were together.
About this time, my wife suggested we start attending church. I was a nonbeliever but agreed to attend church to appease her. To my surprise, being in church and hearing the Word provided relief through our struggles. So many words rang true, and I became curious to hear more.
My curiosity led me to download the Holy Bible app, and I started reading the Bible every day, and it turned my life around. Reading about people’s sacrifices and struggles gave me faith that Jesus could turn everything around.
At the time, I was leaning heavily on drinking to ease my pain, and I realized that this was not who I wanted to be or how I wanted to handle life.
I have spent the last couple of years getting familiar with myself and my belief in Jesus. My sacrifice will never compare to his, and I willingly give myself to Jesus as a small gesture of my faith and gratitude. This has led me to feel content and excited for new days and adventures. I pray for things small and large with no more shame.
Though it has been difficult, my wife and I have accepted that it is God’s plan for us to focus our love and energy on just one child. This was the hardest decision we have ever made, but going to church and reading Scripture has helped my wife and me realize that it is not about our plan; it is about God’s plan, and we just have to continue to live it.
God has a plan for every second of every day, whether we like the plan or not. I am still learning to accept that no matter what happens, God’s plan is good, and we will be OK.
Gary Neale Simpson Jr., and his wife, Jennifer, have one daughter. They attend South Mountain Community Church in Draper, Utah. Gary enjoys hunting ducks and white-tailed deer, and he is a dedicated fan of the San Francisco 49ers.
